So I would like to suggest an alternative candidate for our upcoming elections. I know it is kind of late in the cycle to draft a new candidate, but if he runs as an independent, missing out on the primaries should not be an insurmountable obstacle. And so, without further ado, I would like to issue a call to Winnie the Pooh to run for president of the United States.
It is true that Pooh is a bear of very little brain, and is stuffed with fluff; and his opponents will no doubt make an issue of that. But look at all that he brings to the table as a candidate.
- Pooh is a bear of character. No matter how deeply the press might dig, they will find no stain on his character. Pooh always takes the high road, even when it is costly to himself. Does anyone have a bad word to say about him? And Pooh surrounds himself with others who have equally high character.
- Pooh is not interested in power or wealth for himself. So long as he has a pot or two of honey he is content. Instead he is concerned with the interests of those around him; everyone is enriched by having been around Pooh Bear.
- Pooh is willing to listen to advice and act on it. Being a bear of very little brain actually works to his advantage here. He is not full of himself and sure that his way is the only way. And Pooh is not afraid to admit that the direction he is taking is not the best, and is willing to change course if appropriate rather than pridefully sticking to a dead end and potentially harmful direction.
- Pooh is willing to defend himself and others, but is non-aggressive. Pooh wouldn't hurt a fly that was not a threat. Pooh is even willing to make peace with heffalumps.
- Pooh is willing to embrace and work with all; he is indifferent to those things that so often separate us. Pigs, donkeys, tiggers, rabbits, gophers, owls, kangaroos; it makes no difference to Pooh. He does not demand that others be like him.
- Pooh does not hold a grudge. Like water on a duck's back, Pooh will quickly let go of hurts and go on with his life. Pooh may be stuffed with fluff, but that fluff allows him to quickly bounce back unhurt and with no hard feelings.
- Pooh is not a mud slinger. You would not hear anything negative from him concerning the other candidates. You would be much more likely to hear him building them up. Wouldn't that be refreshing.
- Pooh has name recognition that no other candidate can begin to match. Who doesn't know Winnie the Pooh? And who does not have a favorable impression of him?
- And Pooh has an appeal to a demographic that no other candidate can begin to match: young children, as well as the parents of those younger children. Can you imagine the influence the millions of young children in our country have and the pressure they can bring to bear on their voting parents and grandparents? If you doubt that, just think about how much marketing is directed their way. Would that occur if they were powerless in the decision making process.
So let's go for it. Join me in calling on Pooh Bear to do what's best for this country!